WHEN CRAZY DREAMS STRIKE: Julianne Moore uses the word "friance."

pronounced: [fry-ence] (rhymes with science)

OK, so my mind does this thing where if I'm sleeping and I know I'm not supposed to be sleeping, I start having REALLY insane and frightening dreams that force me to wake up cause they're so goddamn awful. And just now, I had fallen asleep, cause I'm really tired, even though I KNOW I need to last through the day and get on a normal schedule, instead of falling asleep at like 8 and getting up at like 3am. Anyway, this is why I just had one of those goddawful "what the F*CK is going on right now!?" crazy intense nightmarish dreams.

And this one wasn't actually that bad. I mean, it was REALLY weird, but it wasn't really terrifying, the way most of these kinds of dreams are... until it got to the part where I was talking to Julianne and Bart Freundlich, and Julianne kepting saying the word "friance." In my dream, "friance" seemed to be what you say when you mean to say "science" but you've got some weird and horrific speech impediment or maybe are just really stupid. Like when kids say "pisketti" instead of spaghetti. Ew.

Perhaps some context will help (or maybe it'll just make you more confused... whatever). I was in charge of some kind of big project involving lots of people, where all these rooms and corridors that I remember were usually used for something else had been set up to facilitate this big, coordinated project I was in charge of. I think it involved people filming things. Maybe I was the director on a shoot? Sorry, I just don't know, I'm losing more and more details as I type.

But I think I was in charge of some kind of filming thing that NEEDED to be done in a specific timeframe, or else the thing we were filming would be gone. And Bart and Julianne and others were on my crew or something, in charge of some specific shot (no, she wasn't acting). I remember, they had to like move the camera some kind of way to get a desired effect. And I was telling them, "When you're shooting, think about math and science. Shoot really scientifically," or something.

And then, as if to clarify my intent, Julianne said to Bart and the others, "OK, he's saying we need to use friance, use friance. Come on, you guys, USE FRIANCE."

...

I think that's when I was so scared, I woke up. Just picture Julianne in maximum "look how intense I am" mode, like when she's trying to do light comedy and failing miserably, cause she just comes off overly intense and calculating. Imagine Julianne being REALLY intense about something REALLY important... and then out of her mouth comes the word "friance." It's like when your english professor mispronounces some really easy word, and then keeps doing it over and over again. Do you correct her? All I wanted to do was laugh at her idiocy, but then I thought "no, this is Julianne Moore, you can't laugh, idiot" but then all she kept saying was "friance" this and "friance" that, and I thought "OMG, Julianne Moore's a retard, my world is crumbling."

I was TERRIFIED.

Clearly I have major issues. I think this is right up there with Glenn's dream where he was being chased by Scarlett Johannson in a nun suit, with a knife.

I swear, one of these days, I need to put pen to paper IMMEDIATELY upon waking from one of these dreams, and turn it into a play, or a script, or something. You just can't make this stuff up. At least, not while in a conscious state.

Anyway, Julianne, if you're reading this somewhere... I am SO. SORRY.

But I know you aren't reading, so whatever.