Thursday, June 21, 2007

WHO'S HOTTER: River Phoenix or Johnny Depp?

A sad fact: River Phoenix overdosed at a club owned by Johnny Depp. If Johnny hadn't owned that club, would River still be alive? That's debatable. But I thought it was enough of a cosmic connection to warrant pitting these two against each other this week (sorry for the morbidity of this post).

Which of these two über-cool, smoking-hot, shades-wearing sex symbol icons does it for you? In order to help you forget the tragic spectacle of River's overdose (in case you just read the story in that link), I'm providing a whole extra post of photos for each man. Enjoy.

Soooooo... JOHNNY or RIVER? Vote and discuss here in the comments.

And the hotter is...

(over a week passes)

River Phoenix. Johnny made it close, but in the end, River still emerged victorious. I do love Depp, but I'm glad he lost to the great martyred body of water whose spirit rose from the ashes in the form of his brother Leaf... or something. Seriously, though, I love River Phoenix. This contest got me back into a big River phase, during which I actually bought My Own Private Idaho and a book called In Search of River Phoenix: The Truth Behind The Myth, by William Richert. I actually feel bad exploiting River's image for personal enjoyment, since he was known to be averse to the "cult of the image". But it's only because I love him deeply, and because his image always communicated so much. Just look at his eyes.

I direct fellow fans to the very interesting sites Rio's Attic and The River Phoenix Pages. I'll also report back on how good the book is. There really is a "myth" of River Phoenix that transcends both himself and his celebrity. Not since his fellow fallen star James Dean has an actor been made into something so much more after being taken so early. RIP, River Phoenix. You'll always be dearly missed.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

River, RIP. Cannot cannot cannot stand Johnny.

6:13 PM  
Blogger John T said...

River, by far.

9:53 PM  
Blogger adam k. said...

Oh no. Is this gonna be bloodbath? I thought Johnny would be worthy competition.

The whole point of these things is that they're supposed to be hard.

10:34 PM  
Blogger Colin said...

Wow. For the first time, it isn't a case of who I have the hots for more. Both Johnny and River don't turn me on in the slightest (though a case could be made for Captain Jack). I think I'll go with River, who looks less offensively scuzzy.

11:42 PM  
Blogger adam k. said...

Well geez, if you didn't really care, you coulda given Johnny a mercy vote.

But I would've gone with River, too.

Except wait, how do you not like EITHER of them? Have you not seen them act!? The blowjob scene in My Own Private Idaho? No? Damn.

11:52 PM  
Anonymous sora said...


3:44 AM  
Blogger Colin said...

Oh no, I didn't make judgements about the acting; they're good in their respective roles. But it would have been many times better to see Ryan Gosling or Joseph Gordon-Levitt in that motel-room chair, y'know?

For me, any of the previous WHO'S HOTTER contestants would beat River and Johnny. (Except maybe Heath, who also does nothing for me unless he's got Jake Gyllenhaal on all fours.)

3:48 AM  
Blogger adam k. said...

I don't understand. To me, River Phoenix is one of the most beautiful creatures ever to have walked the earth. The tremendously sensitive soul he displays in his acting only makes him hotter.

Maybe I should eventually make this a tournament, with random faceoffs between winners in subsequent rounds? It's less fun when the pairings are random, but it would also be more fun to make it a tournament, with one final winner.

4:04 AM  
Blogger Kamikaze Camel said...

Oh god, this one is so clearly River Phoenix. I'm not a big "omg Johnny Depp is so hot!!!" supporter. But, to be honest, not many people could hope to beat River. He's dreamy.

4:40 AM  
Anonymous rural juror said...

River....the Phoenix's have AMAZING GENES.

5:02 PM  
Blogger Ali said...

Phoenix. I enjoy Depp too, but I do think he's a tad overrated.

3:09 PM  
Anonymous jess said...


6:01 PM  
Anonymous jess said...

I just realized I'm the only one who voted for Depp. :)

6:03 PM  
Blogger adam k. said...

No, you're not. Sora did, too.

But thanks for making it less embarrassing for him.

Phoenix: 6

Depp: 2

7:15 PM  
Anonymous Chlo said...

I love Johnny, so I might as well attempt a revolution, lol. BTW, I've been a longtime reader and LOVE your blog.

1:35 AM  
Anonymous jess said...

Oh I missed that one.

11:23 AM  
Blogger Colin said...

After further thought, I realised that I fell for the same trap as others did in the Brando-Dean contest by comparing young River with older Johnny. (Comparing actors who died before their prime to peers who have lived till now seems tilted towards the former...) When I think back to the younger Depp... semi-yum. Switch, please?

4:34 AM  
Blogger adam k. said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

2:38 PM  
Blogger adam k. said...

Oh my. Well, in that case:

Phoenix: 5
Depp: 4

Suddenly, it's a contest. Yay. Chlo's revolution might just topple River after all. If anyone has yet to weigh in, please do so.

And Colin, that's why I included pictures of younger Depp ; ) I love your name, btw.

2:42 PM  
Blogger Colin said...

Heh. Sadly, none of your pictures feature Depp in Private Resort (1985), where he was at his hottest. Take a look at these pics, for instance. ;)

And thanks for the compliment. Sometimes I wish I lived in a country where people can speak proper English, 'cause they mangle it all the time here in Singapore. =p

4:34 AM  
Blogger Marius said...

I know this is late, but my vote goes to River. I agree with others that Johnny is a tad overrated. However, there's no denying he's a true star.

12:41 AM  
Blogger kroelkonijn said...

River 4 ever and always!
Johnny is a good nr 2.

8:53 AM  
Anonymous River4ever said...

River 4 ever and always!
Johnny is a good nr 2.

8:54 AM  
Anonymous Traci said...

This is an old blog, but i vote for River. It's been so long since I've 'thought' about that beautiful soul.. I'm getting into a River phase again.. Gonna get his movies on dvd soon.

2:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


12:07 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Yes river is sexy :D

2:46 PM  

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