WHO'S HOTTER: (round three) Paul Newman or Jake Gyllenhaal?

PAUL LEONARD NEWMAN

Why is he hot?
Cause he's Paul Newman. Hotness. Icon. And if the chiseled features and finely toned body aren't enough for you, he happens to be a world-class actor, too. Talent is sexy. Paul Newman is sexy.

Hotter than:
River Phoenix
Patrick Wilson
(and just about everyone else)

Hottest role:
Oh god, I don't know. Hud, Cool Hand Luke, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid... he's hot in everything. But he's at his hottest (and youngest) in his breakthrough film, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Co-starring with Liz Taylor automatically makes you hotter. See also: Monty Clift.

But to be honest, I'm just going on hearsay here. I really need to see more of Paul Newman.



JACOB BENJAMIN GYLLENHAAL

Why is he hot:
Because he's JAKE. He has an army of Gyllenhaalics tracking his every move. He might be the most-hyped "it boy" in a generation... or maybe it just feels like that to us gays. In any case, those soulful eyes, that goofy smile, that great hair, that body... they're enough to get a guy a little excited.

Hotter than:
Taye Diggs

As hot as:
Warren Beatty

Hottest role:
Jack Twist in Brokeback Mountain. This one's not up for debate. Jarhead's infamous "santa hat dance" was very hot indeed, but it didn't involve getting down on all fours for Heath Ledger. Sooo... yeah...

(my apologies to those who wanted these two to compete in the finals... I sympathize... but the draw, she is a faithless bitch... it saddens me, too...)

WHO'S HOTTER: (round two) River Phoenix or Paul Newman?

RIVER PHOENIX
(born River Jude Bottom... c'mon, you know that's hot)

Nationality: American
(Oregon native)

Age: forever 23
(his age of death)

Height: 5' 10''

Trademark:
the Gen X James Dean, his angelic, otherworldly beauty interlaced with an easily corrupted innocence

Notable Work:
Stand by Me (1986)
Running on Empty (1988)
My Own Private Idaho (1991)

Upcoming:
sadly, nothing. ever. again.


PAUL LEONARD NEWMAN

Nationality: American
(Ohio native)

Age: 82

Height: 5' 9.5''

Trademark: infinite charm and sexiness, and the most famous blue eyes in movie history

Notable Work:
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (1958)
The Hustler (1961)
Cool Hand Luke (1967)
Rachel, Rachel (1968)
Absence of Malice (1981)
The Verdict (1982)
The Color of Money (1986)
Road to Perdition (2002)
...and many more.

Upcoming: not too much

WHO'S HOTTER: Patrick Wilson or Paul Newman?

I once heard cutie Patrick Wilson described as "a young Paul Newman." So who's cuter/hotter, Patrick Wilson or a young Paul Newman? I think it's a tough one.

And the cuter/hotter is...

(a week passes)

...Paul Newman. It wasn't even close. AT ALL.

Poor Patrick. This was almost painful for me to watch. And also quite surprising, at least to me. But I guess if I'd seen Cool Hand Luke, Cat on a Hot Tin Rook, etc. I might feel differently. In any case, this one goes to Newman, unequivocally. And Wilson, bless his heart, will have to sit out the rest of the tourney.

I wish I were more excited about Newman. From the looks of things, he could conceivably go all the way. I guess I should see some of his movies? As of now, I only really know him from... his pasta sauce (which I actually enjoy a lot). Haha.