Dear Jodie Foster,
OK, Jodie. Seriously.
I get that you don't care that you're aging. That's great. Wear those crow's feet with pride. I also get that you don't care if you're ever nominated for an oscar again. That's fine. After all, you've already won two
. Spread the wealth, I say. I ALSO get that you don't care whether your movies are good. Or whether you're ever IN movies. Or whether that closet you're in is getting a little cramped.
But Jodie... like... do you care about ANYTHING??? I know you care about your wife and kids, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the implications of your fame. Your career. The respect you command (or could command). The clout you could be using to better advantage. THERE IS SO MUCH YOU COULD GIVE TO THE WORLD. Do you realize what a great role model you could be? Do you realize what a great actress you are and what kind of movies you could be making if you wanted to?
Here's a thought: If some executive on a film of yours fights with you about inserting a crappy ending, FIRE HIM. Demand that you get your way. Sure, the studios are powerful, but you're JODIE F***ING FOSTER. If they give you shit, just tell them: "I want this movie to be good, and if it's not, I walk." Play a little game of "everybody who's getting paid 10 million bucks for this movie, please stand up." Guess what? It's probably just you.
Maybe I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, and assume that perhaps you've actually done this a few times, i.e. wanted to do a movie, but couldn't do it on the terms of the studio, and maybe that's why you've been in so few movies. But you know what? I don't really think that's true. I think you've really just been sitting around with your wife and kids having fun, being like "whatever, I'm rich"... until once every three or so years, you deign
to star in a film if Nicole Kidman drops out of it and they offer you 10 million dollars. I can just see you being all, "sigh, okay, back to work." Yeah, Jodie, life is so hard.
Okay, I'm being harsh. I know. But I'm just sick of this "I'm so above it" vibe you've been sending out lately. 'Cause I really miss seeing you in good movies. Like, maybe even one every year. Do you know how many times I've seen Contact???
I LOVE you in that. Please make something else that good. I'm only saying these things because I love you. In high school, I wanted to BE you. You're just so cool.
But oh yeah, one more thing. Maybe you haven't heard.
Jodie... you are a LESBIAN.
That's what it's called when you have a wife and kids who you provide for. Yeah, you heard me. Need more proof? Look at this:
I rest my case.
Now, maybe it's none of our business... but guess what? We already know. Please don't pretend we don't. It only insults our intelligence. No one's asking you to go all Rosie
on us or anything. You don't have to be some kind of Super Lesbian
. We just want you to come out and say it. Just talk to the Advocate or something one day and be like: "Yes, it's true, I'm one of you... now let's all just move on." That's all you'd have to say. It's that simple. And then we'd all have SO. MUCH. MORE. RESPECT for you. Seriously.
Maybe you're afraid that being openly lesbian would jeopardize your work - 'cause you know, it's hard for lesbians to get roles as victimized, butch vigilantes - and that might
be a valid excuse if
you actually worked at all. And by "worked" I mean actually sought out roles that didn't just fall in your lap every few years because Nicole Kidman got skittish. But as it is, I don't think you're that worried about your acting prospects. We both know you have enough money to last you the rest of your life. And that you're not exactly looking to "stretch" and be accepted in a wide range of roles. So no dice. I think you just don't wanna deal with the trouble of it. Coming out, that is. But... come ON.
And again... I love you. Not in a creepy John Hinckley way, just in a devoted fan way. I miss the Clarice Starlings and Ellie Arroways of years past. I just want you to get your sh*t together and start doing something meaningful with your life. If you can't find good roles out there, produce something yourself. If Flora Plum
just refuses to come together, start looking into something else. There are lots of films just begging to be directed by someone of your talents.
Please, Jodie. You only live once.
Labels: Jodie Foster